Well, You're Not Frank
by twistyties432
Summary: In which no one seems to be Frank, and the marauders are just trying to help Alice win him over.


**I do not own Harry Potter. **

Alice POV

I, Alice Prewett, have resorted to drastic measures to help Frank Longbottom realize that his feelings are not one sided. I am currently hiding under his bed and waiting for him to come in the room. When he comes in I'm going to kiss him and then he won't have to wonder anymore. He'll know that the feeling is mutual.

I hear someone coming in. I think that must be him. You see Sirius helped me come up with this plan and he said Frank always comes up to the dormitory around this time. I was a little iffy about doing it, I don't want to scare the poor bloke, but Sirius assured me this was the best way. So here goes nothing.

Frank seems rather startled. I suppose it could be the fact that I just jumped out from under the bed. Well I'll just have to tell him this was the only way I could think of to start a relationship with him.

"Frank I..." My mouth dropped open in horror. That is not Frank. Okay Alice, play it cool, pretend that nothing is weird. This is just like every other day. "Oh hello there Remus..I you see what happened was I fell off the bed and rolled under it and then I rolled out and slipped trying to stand up and my mouth landed on your mouth. Oops." Smooth.

Remus is gaping at me with his mouth all open. Now that is just plain rude. A fit bird throws herself at you and you just stare at her? I mean I know I shouldn't care, he was meant to be Frank, but this is just simply unacceptable. Maybe he is staring like that because he believes my lie and feels bad that I fell? "What are you staring at? Was it that bad? You should be glad I fell on you, I am not ugly." Always best to be confident and stick to the lie.

"Al...Ali... Ali..." Now Remus that is not a hard name. It is only two syllables. I suppose to tell him that would be rude though so I will just put on a stupid face and stare right back.

"Alice I..." But he will never get a chance to finish his sentence, because someone burst into the room. Oh look it's Sirius! Hi Sirius!

"ALICE DON'T DO IT IT'S NOT FRA...oh no. Hello Remus beautiful day isn't it?" That's right Remus stare at Sirius like a crazy person instead of me, because you are really starting to freak me out. Well, I best be talking to Sirius I suppose.

"Hello Sirius, I just snogged Remus, how's your day?" Keeping it casual. I don't want Remus to think I'm embarrassed about this. Then he'll think I did it on purpose. And I didn't. I just fell. On his mouth...

Now both boys are staring at me like I'm a crazy person. C'mon boys snap out of it. I'm just a young girl in love with a man named Frank and you are not helping! Well I suppose I better just direct my attention back on Sirius then, he is the one who is supposed to be helping me after all.

"As you might've realized that plan didn't work, so what do you suggest I do now?"

"CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT IN THE NAME OF MERLIN IS GOING ON?!" Oh look! Remus learned to speak again. Good for you Remus.

"We'll Remus, Alice here wants Frank to realize she loves him so I suggested she jump at him from under his bed and kiss him. Obviously you see the fault in our plan as you are not Frank." Gosh dang it Sirius now Remus will know I didn't trip on him!

"Why would that EVER work Sirius? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Where were you when this was being suggested Remus? Everyone knows I have terrible judgement. Oh Remus is looking at him moving his mouth. Time to listen and stop yelling at people in my mind. "...what you've got to do is corner him in a classroom and tell him how you feel. Sirius and I will lure him to the deserted one in the charms corridor this afternoon at 5. Prepare a speech and be there." Thank you voice of reason. I forgive you for earlier.

"I will be there!" And with that I dashed out of the room to prepare.

_  
Remus POV

All of my friends are idiots. All of them. I am currently chasing James down a corridor trying to get him to just stop so we can explain everything to him.

"IF FRANK CAN KNOW THEN I CAN KNOW! I bet your hiding something in that classroom! What is it?! WHAT IS IT?! Is it chocolate? I LOVE CHOCOLATE IM GOING TO GET SOME!" He yelled over his shoulder.

"JAMES YOU IDIOT! IT'S NOT A SURPRISE YOU WANT!"

Curse his quidditch energy. You'd think being a werewolf I'd be able to catch him, but unfortunately that is just not the way it works. Oh well, at least Alice will see the wrong person come in this time...

_  
Alice POV

If I close my eyes I can remember this so much better. And if I close my eyes I don't have to look at him and I won't have to see him reject me if that happens. And it's calming. Okay so I'm doing this eyes closed. Oh the door opened! Let's do this.

"I love you. I know you weren't expecting this, I've never exactly shown signs of loving you before, but I do." This is easier than I expected.

"I've loved you since our first year when we were both sorted into gryffindor. I didn't know it was love then but it was, and I love you. And so yeah take it or leave it." And eyes open. And oh Merlin. James. JAMES?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME REMUS AND SIRIUS?! Okay. Time to remain calm. Lets fix this. Okay ummm...

"As a mate. I love you as a mate." He still looks very frightened. It's okay Jamie-poo I come in peace.

"Uhhh..." Oh very intelligent of you James. C'mon tell us how you really feel.

"Okay so I thought you were Frank..." There we go. Tell the truth. Because when Sirius told Remus the truth he stopped thinking I was a weirdo.

"You're trying to win over Frank! Cheers! Well just run to the common room right now and ask him out! I know he's in there, and the method is foolproof. I reckon I've nearly gotten Lily to say yes." I tried to hold back my scoff by putting on a smile. He is not winning Lily over at all, but it's worth a shot.

"Okay I'll do it!" And I ran out of the room towards the common room. After all, what have I got to lose?

_  
Peter POV

I was just sitting in the common room minding my own business, nibbling some cheese, and chatting with Frank when Remus came in screaming like a madman saying that Frank needed to go to a deserted classroom NOW NOW NOW because Alice doesn't want to love James. Whatever that means. And now I'm alone in the common room.

And the portrait hole has been ripped open again. So much for my piece of cheese and quiet (get it? Like peace and quiet? Merlin I am so clever I should be the leader of the group instead of James). Oh look it's Alice! She's quite nice.

"I LOVE YOU WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?!" Weird. She said that without even catching sight of me. Now she sees me. She looks rather unattractive with her mouth hanging open like that...but it would be rude to say no after she said she loves me...

"Sure, why not."

_  
Alice POV

I hate the stupid Marauders. Because of them I am now on a stupid date with stupid Peter Pettigrew. Just me and Peter eating dinner in the room of requirement, because after you declare your love for someone and ask them on a date and then say "um sure" you can't say "Erm never mind. You're not Frank," because that would just be rude. So here I am.

"So why do you love me then?" Good question Peter. Let me just list the reasons. You are quite the charmer aren't you?

"You always smell of cheese." Yes Alice and what? You just love cheese do you? Why would you say that Alice? Blimey I'm dim.

"I rub it on my arms sometimes." Gah. Revolting. And what is this now? Are you WINKING at me Peter? THIS IS NOT HOW YOU WIN OVER GIRLS!

"Yeah that's erm...nice." See Peter? Politeness. Now THAT is how you win people over.

Oh look someone opened the door to the room, lovely! Save me from this horror beautiful stranger! Oh blimey...you're quite angry aren't you?

_  
Frank POV

I've just ran into Remus. First he told me that Alice kissed him and has something to tell me. So I went to the classroom he directed me too, only slightly upset he is flouncing around kissing the girl I'm in love with.

When I got to the classroom James Potter was there. He told me Alice had just confessed her undying love for him, but she was in the common room waiting to ask me something. A little flustered and unsure of whether or not he was joking I left the abandoned classroom and made my way to the common room.

Upon arrival I came across a rather well hidden first year. I almost didn't notice her at all. I went up to her and asked her if she'd seen Alice and she told me not too long ago Alice had come in the common room, asked Peter on a date, and that now the two of them were on that date in the Room of Requirement. And that is where I drew the line. My Alice MY Alice will NOT go on dates with Peter Pettigrew.

And that is how I ended up where I am now. Pacing outside the Room of Requirement thinking "I need to be in a room with Peter and Alice." The door popped out of the wall and I stormed inside and glared at Peter.

_  
Alice POV

Frank I love you, don't kill me. DON'T KILL ME FRANK. DON'T KILL ME!

"Mmmphh.." And he's kissing me. HE'S KISSING ME!

And he's pulling away.."Thank you for at least not going after Sirius."

I grinned up at him, "No promises."

_  
Peter POV

I wonder why she's kissing Frank since she loves me? I suppose Frank must smell of cheese as well...

**Review?**


End file.
